Spring Mash Up.

Spring and birds and smiles and days that aren't really spring but you don't care, you act like it is anyways. And you smile at strangers and beg for them to smile back, but if they don't you really don't give a fuck. And you try on tank tops, and buy them, and make fun of a band because no one looks good in spandex gem tone pants that zip up, and giggling with them, and knowing that at some level it does all matter. All these small teeny tiny things are just as good as the big giant ones. I still want the big giant things too. Knowing that like everything, it always changes, and instead of getting that sick, terrifying feeling, realizing it's turned into complete and utter enjoyment. And every shift feels like a new leaf, one that you never had before. Banjos and love and breathing in deeply outside, but realize that it smells like shit, but that's ok...Because that's what Spring smells like here. "And that mud stains!!" says my Mom. She knows this because until I was roughly 14 years old, she was still washing that shitty smelling spring mud out of my pants. I think she secretly wants to wash my mud stained pants again. Sometimes I see why she loves us so much. I see through her eyes, what we must looked like to her. And it makes everything better. To know that you are number one to someone. And it's her. Mom. The beginning of this doesn't match the end...But that's ok, I just did it.

I also have 4 empty wine/champagne bottles beside my door. I don't want to recycle them because they remind me of fun and laughing.